Honesty has proven time and time again to be the best policy. Dishonesty is always revealed leaving catastrophic shame and isolation in its path.

Dishonesty would have a much more challenging impact on those we came into contact with as they would not be able to trust us.  As well as this public side there is the internal turmoil of having to pretend to be someone that we are not – this takes a toll on our sense of who we are and on our happiness.  Nothing is worth that damage to who we are.

Since this was first written we have had revelations from  two well known sportsmen about their real lives and their fans have been rocked by this.

Are you forever telling little lies to spare the feelings of others?   Would you like the people in your life to be honest with you or do you only want to hear the good news?

This brings me to the idea of home:  A place where you care about others and they care about you.  For me that is a more important concept than to say it is the place where you live.  For many it is a simple concept; you grow up in your parents’ home and then you go out and create your own.  A home needs to be more than a house because that is only a limited external combination of location, possessions and function.  It could be about the community or country you feel a sense of belonging to.  Home could be a community of likeminded people where tolerance and cultural exchange are encouraged.  A home needs to offer some heart connection so that those who live there can be fully alive and feel supported.  For me it is more of a sanctuary than a straightforward shelter.  It is a place where I can unwind and I can offer hospitality to others.

Nowadays England is more accepting of different communities who maintain the culture of their home country whilst creating a new home in England; having two homes.  I think of friends who have left England for South Africa, Australia and New Zealand in search of what they believe will be a new and better home for them.  I think of Caribbean friends moving to America, England and Canada for the same reasons.  I myself was born in England and grew up in the Caribbean.  Where is home for me?  Do I need to choose?  In my experience, time spent, key relationships, commitments and sense of belonging all have a part to play.  Both England and the Caribbean have changed in the time I have been finding and creating my adult home.

There are many people without a sense of home even if they have lived in a land for several generations.  They need to find a place that they can call home.  Part of this I am sure is an ability to be at home with oneself.  We would never find home if it is all about an expectation of the world continually welcoming us to some special place.  We need to figure what we need and create that space in the world.

I know for me home is linked to a broader sense of identity and relationships.  This may change over time as I continue to grow deeper into who I am and how I live my life.  Listening to our specific desire for a place of refuge is part of our life’s journey and one we should take seriously – no one can create a home for us.  Similarly we do not need to recreate the home we grew up in although we could consciously choose to include aspects of that which we found supportive and, by the same token, leave out that which we did not.

Have you found or created a home for yourself?  Would you like to or does it seem unimportant?

And so faithfulness brings us to an idea of God.  It is possible to have some religious beliefs, to have none or to be unsure about what you believe.  Whatever the case it seems a sign of maturity is to give yourself some time to reflect on the questions and come to a sense of truth for yourself.  At some point it is helpful for us to have a sense of why we are here, how we can use our life and what might happen in an afterlife.

For some faiths it is about spreading God’s word whether that is a Jewish, Christian or  an Islamic god.  Other faiths are about peaceful coexistence and views of an afterlife that may include reincarnation.  For some without religious belief it is all about now: we are born, we live and we die.  Some beliefs pay special attention to the individual (Buddhism), the family (Christianity) and the community (Islam).  This is a very simplistic glance at who or what God might be to you.

There are libraries dedicated to the great faiths of the world and I suggest you begin to explore what your beliefs are.  We may develop our faith from the family we are born into, our cultural heritage, as part of the greater culture to which we belong or as a part of a personal journey.  Such soul or spiritual seeking can lead to various experiences of acceptance and rejection by you and to you.  Eventually you may find an approach that feels true to you.

Belief and faith can be very nuanced and individual things as they are not externally provable to those who do not believe.  It is possible to belong to a faith and not believe every aspect of it; some people are more literal than others.  ‘Faith is not belief. Belief is passive. Faith is active.’ Edith Hamilton. 

Myths and stories also play a vital role in elaborating on the human experience.  In my experience faith is not just about good and bad and sin and forgiveness, it could also be about the value of life and stewardship of the earth’s resources or human rights and equality of opportunity for all human beings.  Whatever faith or God we believe in we are human and we are imperfect.  We may have godlike qualities but that is not all of who we are.

I find it sad when people decide against a belief because they have met fallible representatives of that faith.  If we can accept that there are imperfect parents, children, learners, teachers, doctors etc why can’t we accept imperfect believers?  Human imperfections encourage us to trust in our God and not rely on our own limited resources.  Our approach of all or nothing does not give us choices but limits our experiences.

Of course there are those who would say that they have nothing to do with God or belief.  Yet I believe there is that spiritual hole within all of us and we find something to fill it with.  This becomes our god by another name.  As I write this I can think of many such gods including money, politics, sport, art, nature, work, fame and power.  People of faith could also participate in these aspects of life but their motivation and relationship to it would be different.  It is not always what we do but why and how we do it.

So who or what is your god?  What do you believe in and put all your effort into understanding and following?  I am not here to judge you for it but to encourage you to be aware of what it is for yourself.  There is no need to tell the world but it helps you to know what you choose to believe and how that affects your subsequent decisions.  All belief is about faith: nothing will be proved 100% otherwise it would simply be a fact and not a question of faith.  Some of us believe.  Eventually we will know.  Others feel and think that there is nothing to believe.  Find out what you believe and share it with those you care about and who care about you.

Any thoughts?