Where we are – Black Lives Matter

We’ve spent weeks under lockdown, separated from family and friends, concerned about our health, navigating how we can get our needs met whilst trying to keep a roof over our heads. Even if no one died in your family or got sick we’ve been exposed to images of dying people, overworked health care workers, isolated sick people and a rising dead count. It’s been a lot. If like me you’re a Black (or BAME) person you’ve also had to deal with the fact that we are overrepresented in the sick and the dying. The reasons are complex, and the research is not fully transparent at this time.

As the lockdown began to ease African Americans left their homes to find a higher percentage of them are represented in the ill, the dying, the unemployed, the incarcerated and more. Making matters worse 3 African Americans – Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd -were killed in plain sight and those responsible were not being held to account and have not as yet been punished. It seems like while everyone else gets justice if they’ve been a victim of a crime, black lives do not matter hence the chant that it does. Black Lives Matter. 

The third of these, the killing of George Floyd at the knee of a police officer, has sparked protests across the world. It’s as if we finally have a space to talk about years of injustice – historical and present day. It’s a time when we can dare to hope that humanity can work together to bring about a more just world so that everyone has access to the good life. 

But for many this is also traumatic; reawakening old wounds; personal experiences of overt and covert racism over a lifetime. Like any trauma or grief there are many stages to enter. As a country we’ve either been in denial or depression around race equality. Anger and sadness are here now. But this is not only about a death, it is about societal structures and individual leaders who can be held to a higher and more just standard. This can only be done with the support of the majority and there seems to be some willingness to make changes – alongside shock of how it is for some.

Perhaps we can be patient with each other as we try to find the words to explain our different knowledge and experiences. We mostly see the world through our life story, and it takes some humility and mental flexibility to be open to another viewpoint. History has many sides and we need to talk about these more and how they still impact the country we live in.

Many people – white and Black – have been sharing resources of books, films and podcasts. This means that people can educate themselves and not constantly ask victims to evidence their negative experiences so it can be assessed as real. It gives an opportunity to walk in someone else’s shoes for a while. 

I continue to live in hope and believe we can make it better for all. For society to thrive everyone needs to have a stake in it, it is dangerous if some people get so little that they have nothing to lose. Even if we can’t fix a problem, we can acknowledge that it exists. We say, “it’s good to talk” and so it is. Silence supports no one. Secret suffering is not good for our mental health. What’s the smallest action you can take to make your environment just and fair? You’ll benefit too. 

Suggested books: (my Amazon link)

U.K.

  • Girl Woman Other by Bernadine Evaristo (2019 Booker prize winner)
  • Brit(ish): On Race, Identity and Belonging by Afua Hirsch
  • Natives: Race and Class in the Ruins of Empire by Akala (Sunday Times Bestseller)
  • Why I’m no longer talking to white people about race by Reni Eddo-Lodge (Sunday Times Bestseller)
  • Diversify by June Sarpong
  • Black Tudors: The Untold Story by Miranda Kaufman
  • Black British: A Forgotten History by David Olusogo

U.S.A.

  • How To Be An Antiracist by IbramX Kendi
  • So you want to talk about race by Ijeoma Olu
  • Me and White Supremacy by LayLa F Saad

Movies & T.V (Nexflix)

  • When they see us
  • 13th
  • The Hate u give
  • Dear White People

Why do we find it so hard to wait?

I’ve noticed impatience creeping in in several areas and I wonder what that says about us.  As a counsellor I need to be patient with my clients as developing trust or bringing about healing takes time – there is no cheat.

 

3 examples of our struggle with waiting:

 

  • I enjoy listening to review shows and am pleased that they do give notice if they are about to reveal too much by signalling “spoiler alert”.  Last week I was listening to a very reputable review show podcast where John Hamm of Mad Men was being interviewed.  The whole point seemed to be to guess as much of the future of the show as possible.  By the end of the interview I knew how many series might be ahead and what the ending screen shot might be.  Try as I might I can’t now get this image out of my head.  It was totally unnecessary.  The interviewer was obviously not a fan and someone who had researched the series and probably feels they could write something similar.

 

  • Sometimes even if we don’t seek the information before hand we might get it anyway.  I am tired of hearing on the news that someone important is going to give a speech tomorrow and this is what will be said. When I have a vote to impact the future then let me know otherwise I can wait until tomorrow to find out.  More recently we had that with the budget.  (As it happened being given so much information beforehand meant that people were more alert to what had not been leaked).  It does raise the question as to when we engage with what is going on: before it happens based on expectation or after it happens based on reality?

 

  • My third example is the publication of the report looking into the causes of last summer’s riots.  I was surprised to hear on BBC’s Newsnight that the report’s authors would not be joining the discussion because of their anger that it had been leaked.  The panel was good enough but that did not seem to be the point. Here is a report that has taken so many months and effort to explore all the possible causes of a very unusual and sad incident and it’s been snatched out of those who did the work.  It’s like designing, making and packaging a most original gift and having a stranger break open the wrapping and rummaging inside. It is such a difficult exercise anyway because many people do not wish to know what caused it they just don’t want it to happen again.  We all have our preferred perspectives that blame individuals, families or society for problems.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could demonstrate delaying gratification rather than a ‘must have it now’ approach? I hope the report is given the attention it deserves by all of us and look forward to hearing from the people who carried out the research.

 

A recent award nominee shared how angry she was when someone asked about her acceptance speech.  She wanted to enjoy the glow and excitement of being nominated. I hope that more of us can develop an ability to wait and hold uncertainty.  What do you think? Do you always want to know what is coming up or would you like to be surprised when things happen?

local talent

Sometimes we get caught up in thinking that we are incredibly busy and everything is expensive.  These are two things that most people would agree on.  Yet that is not always the case.  Last night I had a lovely evening that was neither rushed nor expensive – it was almost surprising in its simplicity.  We went to 2 music performances for the price of 2 drinks! Yes that’s right.  We walked to the venues. We walked home. Entry was free.  And we felt good about supporting local talent.  As much as I love seeing the big acts in the big stadiums its nice to know that there is so much pleasure in the small, local and unknown acts.  I recently heard a comment that the more global we become the more we desire local connections and I feel connected to that. Thankfully we can have both, no need to choose.