The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle – a review

Posted on December 28, 2013 by Shirley

The Power of Now has received rave reviews from many people in the personal development and spiritual sectors. One of Eckhart’s biggest fans is Oprah Winfrey and he has been in conversation with her over the years. This book is more about spirituality than religion. He mainly speaks from his personal experience and from his understandings of the great texts. Underpinning all this is a belief in a deep spiritual place within each of us that connects us to the divine.

Eckhart encourages the reader to look within and find peace and joy in being. It is about recognising that our incessant mental noises prevent us from a stillness that can connect us to God. This helps us to be more fully present to ourselves and in the world. If we are always thinking then we live in a world with continuous problems and conflicts that need solutions. He believes that this incessant thinking separates us from ourselves, each other and God. Instead of us using our mind – it uses us. If we can never switch off our mind then we are slaves to it. Strong words when we’ve been educated to believe that thinking is good and the more we think the better. It is a reminder too that “beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace – arise beyond the mind”.

Eckhart points out that through our constant thinking we are always judging, commenting, speculating, worrying, comparing, whether about the past or an imagined future. Does this sound familiar? We live in the present with continuous commentary of voices from the past. He invites the reader to listen to the incessant thinking in our head – not to judge or condemn – but simply to observe with impartiality. He calls it “watching the thinker” and this separation helps us to realise that we are not our thoughts but more than that. We are now conscious of more of who we are and our thoughts no longer dominate us. It is in this conscious space that we can find stillness and peace within.

It is about being aware of the present moment and not being lost in our thoughts. Meditation, mindfulness and prayer can help us to let go and be present. Eckhart also suggests becoming more aware of all the everyday tasks we do and allowing that to slow us down and stay in the present. This is better than starting our day with worry and fear. How might it be to really pay attention to our morning routines of washing, dressing and eating? The challenge for many of us is that we are identified with our thinking and believe we would cease to exist if we stopped. He refers to this identifying with the mind as the ego – identifying with achievements of the past and projections into the future. On a serious note he believes that if we don’t move beyond how we use our mind or how our mind uses us, we will destroy our mental health. For him a quieter mind allows us to experience inner stillness. It gives us more opportunity to listen to our emotions and allowing them rather than controlling them. As a counsellor and having recently done a mindfulness course I can see how this makes some sense. But I am not sure how many people can make the changes without support. Our thoughts and emotions have been built up over a lifetime and it may take a therapist to help us separate who we are from our constant thinking. When this book came out in 1999 it was certainly ground breaking. However I found it to be quite long: it felt like I was being told the same thing over and over in slightly different ways. Also I do believe in balance, so there are times when it is healthy to be reminiscing and times when we should be planning for the future. However the constant distraction of our thoughts means that we may not be sufficiently present in our lives. Being fully present in our lives, in our relationships can be quite powerful. Let me know what you think.

Lenny Henry in Fences by August Wilson

Posted on September 14, 2013 by Shirley

August Wilson’s play Fences is being performed to rave reviews in London’s West End. It stars Lenny Henry, whose stage debut was a brilliant turn as Shakespeare’s Othello. Nowadays it is easy to separate Henry the comic from Henry the actor. In a recent appearance on BBC radio 4 Lenny Henry responded to the question by stating that “comedy is my job, acting is my career”.

This leading role sees him playing Troy, a talented ex-baseball player turned garbage man. He is a fifty-something husband and father trying to be the best he can be but weighed down by his past experiences. The play is set in 1957 with Troy having lived most of his life in a segregated country. In 1949 Jackie Robinson became the first baseball player to cross the major-league colour line but by then Troy could have been seen as too old to play major league.

Troy is caught between the two very different generations of his father and his son. He embodies the struggles, pain, losses and successes of his life. Henry’s stage presence means you can’t keep your eyes of him. Troy is stubborn and very good at covering his emotional turbulence. There is an underlying weariness we get glimpses of as the play continues and we find out more of his past. But he is also hardworking and decent and wants the comfortable life that society promises. He tries to break through discrimination at work in his desire to become the first black man to drive the garbage trucks.

Troy is the heart of the play. His relationships with his American football obsessed son Cory, his garbage man buddy Jim and his devoted wife Rose, all serve to give an insight into the man. Cory is at the receiving end of much pent up hurt and anger. Another son, Lyons and Troy’s brother Gabriel, help to create this engaging community of people.

If I were to critique the play it would be about the limited and narrow role the female character had. There was more action than introspection on her part until the very end when we find out a bit more about her internal workings. Having said that, her big gesture isn’t sufficiently explained. I could make some sense of her responses but my male companion was quite surprised at the twists at the end.

Director Paulette Randall has directed plays throughout the UK, as well as for the BBC and Channel 4. She was an Associate Director of the London 2012 Olympics opening ceremony.

August Wilson (1945-2005) was the son of a German man and African American woman. He has written ten plays, one for each decade of the 20^th century. From his early twenties he began writing plays that show the African American experience in all its fullness and humanity. He picked up a Best Play Tony Award and the Pulitzer Prize for Drama in 1987 when James Earl Jones played Troy on Broadway. Lenny Henry had big boots to fill and they seem to fit him well.

An A-Z for your life – Witness

Posted on August 15, 2013 by Shirley

Welcome to my final extract from An A-Z for your life, discovering and revealing who you are today. You can read the chapters for X,Y, Z in the book at your own pace.

Witness

Sometimes it is not simply who we are and how we are but what other people make of us. Here I want to talk about being a witness to others, and being seen by others. The term is used in religious and legal circles but I am using it in a therapeutic way.

It’s about really seeing another as we witness their life. It is also about being seen by others as they witness our life. What is it like to be seen in our happiness or sadness, joy or frustration? Similarly, what is it like to really see others close to us go through the range of experiences and emotions that make up their life?

Before I became a counsellor I cannot say I was particularly conscious of this. I now know how powerful it is to witness others in their pain, for example, and to be seen with my feelings. We like to know that we are not alone and that people see that we are alive.

It’s healthy to be heard and seen when we are struggling, and perhaps celebrated with when things are going well. Our peers may be in different situations and that’s where understanding, love and kindness come in. But the challenge is to witness to others when life is difficult for them. This is delicate and important. If you are having a difficult time it is made even worse if others see your difficulty and ignore it. This ignoring of your pain is like another blow, saying that your pain does not matter.

Maybe we could recognise the daily struggles of those close to us, and how bravely they deal with their challenges. A compliment from us would let them know that we see their courage and vulnerability and admire them for it. By witnessing to them we are saying “yes it is real, you are not dreaming”.

How do you feel when others witness you, in your joy or pain? Share your thoughts below.

You can order ‘An A-Z for your life’: simply click on the book cover on the right or go direct to http://www.ana-zforyourlife.com and order your signed copy today!

An A-Z for your life – Values

Posted on August 6, 2013 by Shirley

Welcome to my penultimate post from An A-Z for your life, discovering and revealing who you are today. There will be one more on ‘W’ and you’ll have to read the book for X,Y and Z.

Your values are the things in life that you hold dear: behavioural standards you hold for yourself and for others.

If honesty is a value then you don’t need to tolerate liars in your relationships. Your most authentic response would be to let them know that you cannot be in a relationship with them because you have found out that they do not speak truthfully and you are unable to trust them. Without trust the relationship becomes superficial and your time is too precious for that. Maya Angelou observes that ‘Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage’.

Values are linked to right and wrong and moral codes of behaviour. Sometimes we can figure out what we think and feel in conversation with others. This relies on having quality relationships built on openness and trust, as discussed earlier. Where can you start?

Start by exploring yourself and maybe your unmet needs, those which you would love to have in your life but have not been able to attract. It could be safety, trust, love and home. This could then lead you to explore the values you hold dear. My values are key to how I try to live my life. It is about helping people to live the best and fullest life they can whether that is through careers advice, therapy, teaching or writing. It is about healing our relationships and healing ourselves. I am saddened by waste whether that is a wasted life, skills, resources or opportunities. My values link to my belief that we are all created with unique gifts that we can offer to the world. This book is my attempt to contribute.

What are your values and do these help you to make choices in your day-to-day life? How do you respond when these are challenged?

I have come across so many clients who set unrealistic standards for themselves. Are they your own values or ones that you have co-opted from other people? It is important to find your own values to steer your life.

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

If you would like to order ‘An A-Z for your life’ so you can work through it at your own pace then simply click on the book cover on the right or go direct to http://www.ana-zforyourlife.com and order your signed copy today!

If you are interested in my counselling services then check out www.envisioncounselling.co.uk and email me: shirley@envisioncounselling.co.uk

An A-Z for your life – Understanding

Posted on July 31, 2013 by Shirley

As we are deepening relationships, learning and growing we will continue to change. As we change we affect our environment and life becomes less predictable and more spontaneous.

When we meet new people we cannot know where they are in their personal journey and the changes that might be going on in their lives. We can’t yet know what they might need from us, or what we might receive from them.

It strikes me that we need a great deal of understanding of ourselves, and each other. Some of us are good at showing understanding to others and tend to value individuality and difference. Other people like everyone to be the same, preferably similar to them. But we are all on different paths in our journey of life so why do we judge others by our own journey? Understanding enables us to be more honest to the variety of choices and possibilities there are without needing to feel that our way is worst or best – just different. Appreciate your uniqueness and that of others.

Sometimes we give a lot of attention to visible differences such as race, gender, religion and disability, but hidden differences can have as big an impact on our daily experiences. Think of someone who hears voices or has certain food allergies and how they would experience the world differently to how they would be viewed from the outside. With understanding we can find empathy for others and empathy for ourselves. Studies show that when we are harsh on others we tend to be harsh on ourselves too.

Do you try to be understanding of the people you encounter in your daily life? Would you say you have too much understanding, too little or just enough?