This week

Autumnal walk

Autumnal walk

It’s been a challenging week for so many people in big and small ways. We’re all struggling to find our place in a rapidly changing and uncertain world. This is a good poem to return to again and again.

Desiderate

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
By Max Ehrmann

Creating space at springtime

I love this time of year as we leave winter and step into spring. The temperature warms up and the sun seems brighter.

As the weather changes I tend to get lots of ideas of what I want to change and improve but I’m never sure where to start. This year it feels right that I focus on creating space by getting rid of what I no longer want, and making space for what I want more of. So often we seek better yet insist on staying connected to the “not good enough”.  Things can only gain hold where there is space to embed and grow.

springtime

If you’re anything like me you’ve probably held on to many more things than is ideal; whether that’s material possessions, people or ways of being. Could now be the right time for a change?

What opportunities are present for you now and what might you need to let go of to make these happen?

Do share your thoughts and ideas – I’d love to hear from you!

Denise Pearson on BBC’s The Voice and her debut album IMPRINT

I was very excited to meet musician, songwriter and performer Denise Pearson to talk about her career and fantastic new album Imprint. You may recognise her from being part of the incredibly successful group Five Star. Sometimes referred to as the British Jacksons they had several hits in the 1980’s and 1990’s. The group was made up of Denise and her siblings Stedman, Doris, Lorraine and Delroy Pearson. Their father, renowned musician Buster Pearson, who played with Otis Redding, Wilson Pickett, Muddy Waters, Desmond Decker and Jimmy Cliff, was the initiating force and manager. From their first single “Problematic” in 1983 they captured the public imagination. In 1987 their No.1 album “Silk and Steel” saw them become the youngest group and first Black British group to top the UK Charts. The group had six top 10 singles and sold over 10 million albums worldwide. Both the group and Denise have been Grammy nominated.

Having taken time out to raise her family Denise has decided to return to the industry. It seems coming from such a close knit family made her want to create her own and she has valued being a hands-on mum to her son and daughter, now aged 19 and 18 respectively. The family lived in the USA from 1994-2007. I wanted to find out what sustains her and what its like for her returning to the industry now.

Denise Pearson

She attributes her staying power to “staying young at heart, exercising, eating good food, always working out and singing each day – yes singing is my passion”.

Her family were somewhat surprised when she decided to be a contestant on the BBC show: ‘The Voice’, since she might be expected to be a coach. She embraced the opportunity to reintroduce herself to 11 million viewers and was very pleased to meet Tom Jones. It was her cousin Paulette Pearson who reminded her that she could be a mum AND a singer and no longer had to choose. This decision inspired ‘I found my flow’ on the Imprint album.

After The Voice she got signed to Universal for six months then moved to Baronet Entertainment. She is very pleased that her Dad got to see her performance on The Voice and he was very proud of her. The whole family came round to watch it and celebrate. It was a big decision for her but she is really glad she did it and has no regrets.

Her route back into the industry started once she was introduced to music publishing company Phrased Differently. Denise attended their writers’ retreats in Gothenburg where she met Jessie J and Charlie Dore who wrote the hit ‘Refuse To Dance’ for Celine Dion. This then led to her performing in Thriller Live at the Lyric Theatre followed by its European and World Tour. Performances in Respect La Diva (Whitney Houston and Maria Carey songs) at the Garrick theatre would follow and this would eventually lead to her participation in The Voice.

What was it like for her performing in the theatre? She agrees it was challenging in many ways.

DP: Learning to act, lots of changes of costume in speedy time. I was sweating in my sequins and diamantes falling off from all the dancing. It requires lots of stamina. You’ve got to think ahead but still remain in the moment.

For a brief period In Los Angeles Denise was in a band called Tre’sor (three girls who are sure of themselves) but the collaboration didn’t really work. How is she finding performing as a solo artist now?

DP: When I did Thriller there were some solo parts so I could ease myself back into it. Also, on The Jacksons’ Unity Tour I performed with two other dancers. Now it’s just me but I am loving it because I love the material of the new album. Once I have that feeling inside – you can do anything once you love what you do. I am very happy being a solo artist now.

As well as being a solo artist she’s also had to adjust to not having her father around as manager or mentor since he passed away. He died in October 2012 and she went on The Jacksons’ tour in November 2012. After that she went straight into pantomime – playing Cinderella in Milton Keynes. She recalls “I had to learn lines, open the show, and that kept me busy through Christmas and New Year. Then I stopped moving and it all came back”.

What’s it like for her to be making music and performing without his guidance? She shares that “It’s different. Nowadays you have to build your profile and get the record companies interested. I love the writing, singing and being in the studio but I am quite a private person outside of that. Dad contributed so much to our career through his experience and wisdom and we were blessed to have that. I still remember some of what he used to say but I do have good guidance around too from Baronet Entertainment.”

Denise’s latest album – Imprint- is a great collection of well-crafted tunes covering pop, rock and R’n’B genres. I wanted to know how it all comes together?

For Denise “Everything just fitted. I did want that acoustic sound. ‘Kiss and Tell’ is a kind of 1960’s tune. Then ‘Freak Dance’ came about and it just matched with ‘Kiss and Tell’. Even in Five Star I would be the one writing the rock tracks or the RnB tracks.”

During her time in Five Star songwriting and musical arrangements were part of what Denise did so this was not new to her. Nevertheless her Gothenburg retreats helped to create the right space for this. She did the retreat “three times, one week each time. ‘Kiss and Tell’, ‘Here I AM’, and ‘Close To Nowhere’ all came out of those retreats. Normally I would sit in the room, write and produce myself so I was wondering how I would cope with live writing with a track guy, a melodist and me as lyricist and melodist in the room. But I did it and it was wonderful – just bouncing off each other.”

Denise seems quite a private person and I wondered what it was like for her to share so much of her life in her songs. She thinks that “if you write about life people relate to it because we’re all living, loving, hurting and happy so I think when you write about your own personal experiences or feelings there’s always someone out there who can relate to it so I like singing from the heart, it’s true”.

The songs have great melodies and are beautifully sung. I suggest that Imprint is as unique to her as her fingerprint, a sort of personal stamp of who she is now and she goes on to say, “It was the perfect title, my personal journey, a part of me. The words to the title song ‘Imprint’ are exactly how I feel about my dad. Holly Lemar, Olly Jacobs and I wrote it. You can get away as easily as you think but your impact and a connection remains. With ‘Freefall’ it’s about finding love and being in love for the first time and letting go, even if it’s a rollercoaster.”

I wondered if she saw going on BBC’s The Voice as a similar leap of faith captured in the single ‘Freefall’.

DP: Yes I think the braveness of it is similar. I get that from my mum who is very courageous and was always at the school for Sted … always there to fight his corner. Even at 5 feet 2 inches! All 3 girls are strong Pearson women.”

I picked out a few of the words in her songs such as “moon… stars… heavens… redeeming.. believing..” – and wondered how that fitted into her world view. She is not religious “but I was always spiritual, I believe in God and try to do the right thing.” Our conversation reminds her of a Jehovah Witness lady called Jenny who used to come round to their home when she was a child and their mother would make them sit and listen to her.

So, with my counsellor hat on I see the album as a journey of finding herself, coming into Denise – what does she think?

DP: Well I think it’s made me stronger as I go out and sing. I was so nervous and unsure of myself at the start in a way but when I listened to the master version I was so pleased with it. I think I’m getting to know me more.

I could not conclude our interview without asking about her experience on tour with The Jacksons. Denise gets the giggles as she remembers how privileged she felt having “front row seats to the daily sound check. Wonderful! It was a dream come true.” It seems that like all siblings they have their individual characteristics with Marlon bringing humour, Jermaine using his charm, Jackie being a beautiful dresser and Tito having the business awareness.

Did it bring back memories of touring with her family? DP: I remember my dad saying we should all stick together. We have had money and mansions and lost it, but as long as we had the family it didn’t matter what went up and down.

Denise was a great interviewee and answered all my questions honestly. When I asked how she recharged herself she did not hesitate to share her love of cartoons and her daily watching of these. Of course she keeps up with the grown up news as well but I couldn’t help but see it as a wonderful antidote to all the terrible global news we hear regularly. Films such as Frozen, Despicable Me, and Toy Story come highly recommended. Exercise, singing and chores are other parts of her daily routine when she is at home.

And is there any truth about her crashing an expensive car as a child? With much laughter Denise responds, “Yes, I did crash the Lamborghini into the Ferrari as a child.” She was in their driveway.

We speak more of her touring with Billy Ocean and how his Caribbean music mixes with her pop/rock/r’n’b tracks. She tells me about the set she used with him.

DP: I open with Kiss and Tell which is 1960’s, then I Found My flow which is jazzy, then Freefall, Chic is pop, then the Five Star medley: Can’t Wait Another Minute, Rain or Shine, System Addict and Higher Love. So there is variation in mine and they mix well.

With her knowledge of quality music over a long time I wanted to know which artists she enjoys and who she would collaborate with. Denise loves listening to India Arie, for her empowering words and her melodies. She also enjoys Nat King Cole, early Mariah Carey, early Celine Dion, and Whitney Houston. With regards to collaborations she would love to work with India Arie, Lionel Richie and was a little giddy at the thought of working with Smokey Robinson (ooh ah)

A lot has been said about women in pop recently: how they present themselves and how they are treated in the industry and in the press – I wonder how she feels about this.

DP: It’s a fickle business and can drive you crazy so you need to stand back and see what you’re putting out there. I’ll always stand by something I’ll be proud of and remain fully clothed. You can be rebellious in different ways.

Denise looks great so I wanted to know about her fitness and beauty regime. Her approach is around enjoying her life, relaxing when she can and sometimes staying in to recoup her energy. She does not wear makeup at home, which gives her skin a chance to breathe. She exercises to keep her weight down, uses cocoa butter on face, makes homemade soups, drinks lots of herbal tea, eats lots of vegetables and passes on sugar.

So, what’s next for Denise?

She wants to keep singing, making music and putting it out. If she retires she’d like to write words and melodies for adverts and other artists. She is inspired by the great melodies of the 1980’s and admires truly talented artists like: Whitney Houston, Luther Vandross, Mariah Carey and Stevie Wonder. Given the chance she would like to make a record in the vein of Connie Francis, Patsy Cline and Brenda Lee – 1960’s artists.

Whatever she does I get the sense Denise is motivated to do her best. “Oh yes” she says, “I will do my best. Easy does not register in my life.”

It was lovely to spend a couple hours with Denise Pearson and find out more about this successful and talented lady. Now that she’s found her flow I anticipate many more albums and tours. You can find out more on http://www.denisepearsonmusic.com and order Imprint on iTunes.

Shirley Anstis

Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

FACEBOOK’s Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg has received a lot of criticism for her book ‘LEAN IN’. It offers advice for working women who are expecting to have children, whether they return to work or not.  In many ways it is about having choices. She is also keen on fathers having a choice so that each set of parents make career/home decisions based on their desires and resources.

Whilst running the online sales and operations groups at Google in 2004 Sandberg became pregnant. With continuous nausea she wanted to be able to move swiftly from the car park to the office but would find herself at the far end of the car park. As a senior woman at Google it never occurred to her that pregnant women might need designated parking but now it had and she could use her power to improve it for herself and those who come after.

She shares another memory of a residential team meeting where a colleague, who had recently become a mother, was continuously staring at her phone.  The colleague said nothing but she was obviously distracted. On enquiry they found out that her mother and baby were accompanying her on trip and she was needed to settle her child. Once she shared this she was immediately released from the meeting. Part of the book is about communicating important information to the right people. Unfortunately, not all leaders or organisations know how to work with expectant or new mothers.

Sandberg quotes various studies where the men are much more ambitious and expectant of success than the women. In her experience women tend to have more self-doubt and need encouragement to ‘lean in’. A 2003 Colombia Business School study looked at the likeability of successful women.  They found that for the same person description, when the successful person was called Heidi she was not liked or trusted but when he was named Howard all was fine. The participants’ gender bias meant it was acceptable for a man, Howard, to be decisive and driven but not for a woman (Heidi). Women are expected to be caregiving and sensitive.

The central advice is for women to not mentally exit the workplace before they physically leave.  She refers to women not taking opportunities in the present because they hope to be a mother in the future. In her mind this is the time to ‘lean in’ and make progress. This leads her to talk about partnerships in parenting. She quotes various studies showing the benefits for all when fathers are involved in even basic childcare. On the theme of partnership she quotes a Fortune 500 study on CEO’s; of 28 women, 26 were married, 1 divorced and 1 never married.

Sandberg is honest about ‘the myth of having it all’ as she shares her parental failings and the guilt she feels when travelling for work and missing her family. Lean In seeks to advise women seeking career success and those with the power to make the workplace more flexible. In her opinion it’s not a career ladder but a “jungle gym”. Eventually she hopes that by “using the talents of the entire population, our institutions will be more productive, our homes will be happier, and the children growing up in those homes will no longer be held back by narrow stereotypes”.

Shirley Anstis

We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know

A well known politician said something similar a while ago and got some stick for it. But I am amazed by how we think we know a lot about people we only see in the media and online. Despite my experience of therapy and being a counsellor I’m always surprised by how much I continue to discover about myself. Often we barely know what’s going on in our own lives let alone the neighbour or the stranger. Yet we are often quick with our opinions, good or bad.

For International Women’s Day in 2016 there are so many global issues that affect women. There are women who have chosen to be mothers, there are women who accidentally became mothers, there are women who for physical or emotional or life reasons have not become mothers. Whether or not we are mothers we’ve all had a mother, whatever her capabilities. Many women mother through adoption, fostering or even mentoring. We are all familiar with the African saying popularised by Hilary Clinton that “it takes a village to raise a child” but in reality the village is hardly ever there.

I am thinking of the women who are separated from their children because of migration, ill health, death and divorce.  So many women have been burdened by these difficult circumstances. I think too of   refugee children; away from home and living with very little food, shelter care and safety, the basics for a decent human life. Many mothers may be making a huge sacrifice to give their children a better or safer life and that looks different depending on where you are standing.

Others of us are stressed by trying to be great mothers and using our children to demonstrate this. We forget we cannot truly create a person, it is this wonderful alchemy between nature and nurture. Our children, however we came to have them, are a gift from God.

IMG_5290

I chose the title because I am amazed how much we can judge each other without knowing the facts. I have two recent examples to share here. First, our son is tall for his age so people tend to assume I have brought him to the wrong group. I keep assuring them that I do know when he starts school. On another occasion I bought my child an ice cream at midday and had an elderly lady looking at me as if to say I was perpetuating the problem with obesity in the world! Little did she know that he’s a great eater who loves to be active. Truth is he hasn’t yet realised that we could have ice cream at home as he only gets it when we’re out visiting museums, galleries, garden centres and play parks.

So what she saw as the whole story was only part of it.

If women are going to continue to make advances in the world then maybe we need to care more about each other’s children, judge less, and speak up more on behalf of those who have no voice. It is time too to be gentle with ourselves. We’re all stretched by modern life, whether struggling or just challenged. And yet we are good enough and we can do well to remember this. Does any of this resonate with you? Let me know what you think/feel?